Hi, I am the mother of a beautiful
little boy who is almost three. The birth was an amazingly powerful
spiritual experience for me, although I so wish I had seen your material
beforehand. It would have been very different! We are hoping, praying
and trying to have a second child. I grieve every month when I get
my period and am struggling to find spiritual and emotional support.
Do you have any ideas or know of resources to help? The gynae (fertility
specialist) assures us that everything is fine.
Hi Chana, The last two issues
of Natural Jewish Parenting have special sections dealing with infertility
and miscarriage from a Jewish perspective - definitely intended to
provide "spiritual and emotional support" for people who need it.
Also, there are resource lists in the magazine with recommended books,
etc.
You might also tell your letter
writer that sometimes there can be problems conceiving for a while,
or miscarriages, lo aleinu, and it could be years - and then there
may be a successful pregnancy. So she should not give up hope and
she should keep davening [praying]! Yael
There is a wonderful book called Tears of Sorrow, Seeds of Hope by Nina Beth Cardin that is
about infertility and pregnancy and infant loss from a Jewish Perspective.
I will certainly include her in my prayers. Katie
Secondary infertility [infertility
after the birth of a child] is very painful in it's own way. People
might say things like, "You already have one, thank G-d, why can't
you be happy with that?" but the truth is, it's a family whose arms
yearn for another baby.
It's similar (though not identical)
to the yearning of a couple with primary infertility: it is VERY strong
and VERY real pain. Especially in Orthodox circles, the mom/family
may feel that people are hovering over them thinking or saying "nu,
when are you having another one?" Or that people may misunderstand
that just because you've had one doesn't mean you can just keep "popping
them out" at will.
Hashem gives us each pregnancy and
each special child at the right time and we don't really know when
that is. Depending on the circumstances, you may want to refer her
to a doctor or infertility specialist. One thought that I've heard
friends talking about as they tried and tried for #2 had to do with
the ongoing breastfeeding relationship with #1. On one hand, doctors
were telling them that they wouldn't work with them on their secondary
infertility unless they weaned #1. But my friends were feeling that
if they're only meant to have 1 child, why would they "ruin" their
beautiful breastfeeding relationship with their toddler/preschooler.
It's a difficult dilemma. Beth
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