"I want to remember how much I wanted you, how much I prayed for you and waited... how many times I raced in the morning and gave them my blood, wondering, are you in there? could it be? are you coming to us yet?

I want to remember what it was like Rosh Hashana when I felt a tug inside from miles away. And the tug turned to a pull and from a pull to a push and then to a stretch coming from the ocean deep...floating higher, higher to the surface of my skin where I could watch you move.

I want to remember how you came into the world like a sun rising naturally and beautifully, obvious yet subtle, with only a few select to see. how I held you in my arms and said welcome, this is the world. thank you for choosing us. we will try, we will try. I want to remember how your toes curl and your lips go "ooo," how your eyes blink open in the morning and you look at me like I am a long lost friend."

A Prayer to be granted Children

(from the book Shaarei Dima)

May it be your will, my L-rd, and the L-rd of my ancestors, the Rock of the universe, the Righteous of all the generations, for the sake of your great and hidden name, which comes out of the verse, "G-d bless our memory, Bless the house of Israel, bless the house of Ahron," that you grant me desirable, and worthy, good, and beautiful, complete and acceptable offspring- suitable to live and exist without any wrongdoing or transgression.

Please grant me offspring, and bless me with your Name, and bless my house with your memory, so I may know that there is peace in my dwelling. And influence the child with a spirit, being, and soul hewn from purity, and prepare it in order to complete the child, and establish him/her, constructed with grace, kindness, and mercy- in health, with strength and vitality and bravery. And be merciful on the child in creating it, in constructing him/her, in dressing him/her, in the child's being, in spirit, in life, and in soul.

And in not one of the child's limbs will there be any harm or lacking, no sickness or illness, and nothing will be lacking all the days of his/her life. May the child be born under a good sign, at a good hour, with blessing and success, and may the child live a good, long, and peaceful life in spirituality and physicality, with wealth, happiness, and honor, among the people of Israel. Please bless me, and my offspring, and the offspring of my offspring with every thing that will complete our knowlege, our intelligence, and our achievements in order that we may do Your will. And bless me with the blessings from Heaven and from the underground springs that crawl underneath, blessings of the breasts and womb.

Please, L-rd of Hosts, the L-rd of Israel, Who sits upon the Cherubs! May Your ears listen attentively to the sound of my pleading. Look down on me from your holy residence with a look of goodness, and give me children, influenced by a holy soul, who will occupy themselves with the Torah and the commandments. And from the blessings of your mouth, bless me, and bless the house of your maidservant with all of the Jewish people forever.

Hear my prayer, G-d, and lend your ear to my pleading, and fulfill through me the ultimate purpose of the human race, because you formed and created us in order to settle the world, so give me holy and pure offspring, with a new soul, holy and pure, from the world to come, clinging to the souls of the ascended holy people. May you, the souls of the righteous from this world, please bring G-d's face towards me to fulfill my request for the good, in your merit and in the merit of my desire to have a child who will be quick and industrious in Your Torah, who will be suitable for prophecy. Hear my prayers, and don't turn me away from You empty-handed, and fulfill my requests for the good, and I will raise the child to fear G-d all of the days of his/her life, the child and its offspring among the Jewish people, Amen.